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Self vs self esteem
Self vs. self – esteem
You might think there is only one type of self esteem, the esteem in which we hold ourselves in relation to the world.
But, there is an other variety of self esteem, more accurately described as Self esteem.
Self esteem with a capital S is different from self esteem with a small s in that we are taking our esteem from two very different sources. We are always intimate with both sources but tend to favour one over the other.
Self esteem with a small s refers to our esteem of ourselves in relation to the world whereas Self esteem of the capital S variety is our esteem of ourselves in relation to God, or the Absolute.
St Teresa of Avila wrote of the necessity to overcome the ego in order to make ultimate progress on the spiritual path.
Another way of stating this same message is to say that by switching our favouring of our esteem in relation to the world to favouring our esteem in relation to the Absolute is a necessary step on the path to liberation.
What you are in relation to the world, or your assessment of it is what is usually known as your self esteem. In psychological circles it is thought that improving this self esteem is the road to happiness. And, to some extent this is so.
Low self-esteem is associated with unhappiness whereas high self esteem is not necesarily a guarantee of happiness. There must be something else going on that has not been accounted for.
The missing piece is that of our relationship to the Absolute, God if you will, or to our source.
In modern Western society, unless in a religious context, little is said about this relationship.
Really, there is not much that can be said about it, which I suppose accounts for the silence about it.
But, it can be felt. It can be known within each one. It can be found by each one of us.
Our source is always available to us, but not many people come across this infornation.
Those who have come to know their source generally report a sense of satisfaction, security and contentment not otherwise available to us humans.
Knowing onesself in relation to ones source is Self esteem with a capital S. It changes everything about how you value yourself. Your self-esteem loses its importance in relation to a greater truth and a deep sense of valuation of yourself (and others) arises.
To use Christian language, you find that after all you truly are a child of god, of divine origin.
Facilitating this shift is what spiritual development is about.
The royal road to making this inner switch is through prayer. For more about prayer follow this link
http://tatfoundation.org/forum.htm
Excerpt from a correspondence with a spiritual seeker.
T: Getting it in an intellectual way is very different from undergoing a transformation. The transformation I am speaking of is beyond the mind but teachers have no means other than the mind and words to convey something of this transformation.
Douglas Harding is ungettable in an intellectual way because what he is saying or trying to show is actually a simple shift in perception but it is impossible to describe it. It about partaking in the world from a slightly detached perspective, not emotionally but visually. It’s about allowing for the possibility that everything you see is inside of you instead of outside of you. You see that in saying this it changes the notion of what “you” is. It does not make any intellectual sense but there is a shift is how you feel about yourself and how you see the contents of the world.
It is a terrible blow to the ego to find that it one amongst many and not the top dog it had been trying to be.
B:This makes sense to me. I was so caught up in a literal interpretation, This is about removing the obvious physical boundary that seems to separate us from everything else. When I point to myself, to where I think my head should be, I only see the finger. That which is looking does not see something separate to look out of. It is part of the whole, and the separateness (the “I”ness) is not there.
T: That which is looking is a hole, space, an eye!
When I look at you I see a body and a head, you are just one other person amongst many. When I look at me, I find nothing, a hole, a space. So my perception of me is totally different from everyone’s else’s perception of me.
The problem arises when each of us gives up our perception from our own perspective in favour of someone else’s perspective of you. It’s like giving all our power away. I accept your perception of me as just another person amongst the many other people in the world. But, from my own perspective, I am not just one other person. I am the only one who sees the world from this particular perspective.
T: I wanted to explain this a little because to be able to accept this way of being is such a great help but if you have resistance to it you should just forget all about it.
In a way it is not so different from me suggesting you see yourself as a child of god and in doing this you have to see that everyone and everything else must also be children of god. It’s a shift in attitude and it is helpful in opening up consciousness for you.
B: I have gone for walks where, on seeing different people, I thought “That is a child of God.” I have also used this in work as a massage therapist. The feeling is one of serenity.
T: Yes, but you must allow for the fact that everyone, including Hitler, is a child of god. It is a way of reducing the attitude of judgement, and so taking some of the power away from the ego. And, yes, it does bring serenity. It relieves one of the feeling of having to be in control of things.
Ultimately what you are attempting to do is to bring about a transformation in your being, from being ego dominated to simply Being or to Christ consciousness. Taking on certain attitudes, such as ones that accept what is, simply observing life as it flows by, are helpful.
B: I have found myself reading C.S. Lewis’s “Mere Christianity” and had it juxtaposed with the recent TAT Forum’s UTube video on Atheism. Both are strong position pieces, but I have felt that both detract from real seeking because they try to prove their cases. Is there any merit to this thinking?
T: This is very good observation B. and in particular your questioning its value for you personally. This is a step in the direction of developing discernment. You are learning to see/feel what works for you and trusting yourself to discard that which is not longer working for you or never did.
There is a stage beyond comparing teachings where, when you have learned to trust completely in the authenticity of the teaching that you can let it pour into you, past the mind so to speak and into your soul.
I found that TAT’s recommendations were all excellent and I trusted their judgement as I had not yet developed such judgement myself at that point.
I’d say Art’s (Ticknor) book, totally absorbed, gets past the mind. I also found the writings of Bill Samuels, once I accepted them to be very deep.
Maybe you already know of some author whose authenticity you trust and against whom you have no resistance from the mind.
B: Not yet. Every now and then, I like to pull out Richard Rose’s “The Albigen Papers” and I try to read some things from the TAT Forum website. Some things are really tedious and intellectual. After your visit, I read some Theresa of Avila- wow!
T: Keep an eye out for something and you can always ask you intuitive self, your divine self, for help-to put something your way. Besides, what is meaningful one week may not be the following week.
B: The original thought was that I am just not smart enough to continue. Sometimes I wonder if I am so worried about keeping up with other people I have met in the group, that I am not paying enough attention to intuition. Is the way inward different for everyone?
T: In the later years of my search I thought I was not smart enough. What I did not realise at the time was that this was a good sign. It meant that I was not longer trying to think or understand my way into heaven, which is impossible.
As I became aware that the processof awakening was in place I thought I must be wrong because I surely was not good enough or worthy of this great thing. I went through a period of resistance to it, while recognising that I had been seeking this very thing all my life. The mind is a funny old guy- full of contradictions!
I never had a serious spiritual discussion with my teacher, because I was not able to hold up my end of the conversation.
You are a serious seeker! I see this. Being able to discuss things is not the mark of sincerity and sincerity in your efforts is the key.
Intuition is about making space/silence in your head to notice thoughts and feelings that have not originated in your daily life, so to speak.
Notice the conversations that arise in your head, particularly in relation to spiritual matters. You may find yourself discussing, digesting, and simply dwelling on ideas about spirituality. This may be simply with your self or you may find yourself having these conversations with someone whom you see has having some wisdom.
B: This happens all of the time!
T: Do not dismiss these conversations. They are the voice of intuition.
Ask for help and particularly guidance. You will be given it but you must be open to receiving it. It can come in the form of something someone says, the words of a song, a programme on tv, anywhere! Be open to receiving the guidance you ask for. This is what prayer is about.
T: I’ll just say before I finish that intuition is not something new. All of us have known and experienced it all along in our lives but most dismiss it in, encouraged to do so by this rational world we live in.
I hope this in some way addresses your question, B.
Do feel free to write again if you feel I can be of assistance, with much affection, Tess
B: This has been so helpful- thanks again!
T: are welcome! Stay well and keep on going with your quest. It’s bound to succeed if you stick with it.
Strategies for Spiritual Awakening by Bart Marshall
Strategies
by Bart Marshall
Photo by the authorAs I turned over all those rocks on my spiritual search, I was always trying out recommendations about what I could do to hurry this process along-what I could do, what I could be, to speed things up. Even if the teaching was that there is nothing to be done, I’d want to know what the technique was for not-doing. Always thinking it was up to me whether or not this was going to happen.
But is it up to me? Can this shift in perception, be brought about by the efforts of an illusory individual? Some teachers say there is absolutely nothing a person can do to bring about this experience, so don’t bother. Even teachers like Rose who recommend extreme effort on the spiritual path say that those efforts are not what bring about the experience, if indeed one happens. As Rose says, “There’s no recipe for a lightning bolt.”
Statistically, though, people who report having a conclusive spiritual experience are usually those who’ve spent considerable time pursuing spiritual activities. So of course, like everything else on the “path,” it’s a paradox.
The spiritual path, if we are going to call it that, seems to be a process of maneuvering the mind onto shaky ground, into a state of uncertainty that makes it vulnerable to intervention by an “outside” force. A very delicate contortion. The question is not really “How can I bring about a spiritual experience?” but “How can I become susceptible to Grace? How can I become accident prone?”
From that angle, it seems these general practices are the kind of things that might help maneuver the mind into a vulnerable state. Nothing new here. These ideas are scattered all throughout the teachings and literature. And of course some are in apparent contradiction with each other. In no particular order:
Absorb Teachings
Do the research. Study what’s been said and done before. Turn over every rock, as Rose said, but doubt everything. Let it soak in but don’t believe a word of it. Neither believe nor disbelieve. Neither accept nor reject. Just let it all rattle around in there.
Assume Authority
Work out your own salvation. Take responsibility. Be your own disciple. Trust your innermost experience. People give over responsibility for their health to doctors, and for their salvation to priests and gurus. It makes no sense. Harding: “You are the sole and final authority on what it’s like being you. On what is happening right where you are.” Buddha: “Be a lamp unto yourself. Be a refuge to yourself. Look not for refuge in anyone beside yourself.”
Focus Intent
Purify, focus and refine intent. Is Truth what you really want? For most so-called seekers, self-realization is not really their greatest desire—it is a means to an end. We want to be self-realized because we think it will improve our lives in some way—bring peace of mind, power, approbation. Also, we’re too scattered, full of conflicting desires. Beware of conscious and sub-conscious desires sabotaging spiritual aspirations.
Cease Knowing
Possibly the single biggest obstacle to realization is thinking you already know what’s going on. Stop thinking you know anything. Return to the child-like state of wonder, unknowing, mystery. Have only questions, never answers. If an answer comes, question it. Return to unknowing. Only an empty cup can be filled. Become a vacuum of unknowing and God will rush in.
We think we already know 95% of the truth (“I’m a substantive being with my own consciousness in an infinitely vast, infinitely old universe of separate, real objects…”) and just need answers about that last 5%. We don’t want to entertain the idea that the 95% we’re standing on is 100% wrong.
Rose was always asking people, “What do you know for sure?” Always trying to prod them into questioning their beliefs. Knowing is Original Sin—in the sense of the true meaning of the word sin, which is “to err, to miss the mark.” Christianity implies it’s knowledge of sex that kicks mankind out of paradise. No. It’s any and all knowledge. If any knowing whatsoever is present, you are on the wrong side of the gates. You have drifted into illusion. Knowledge is ignorance. God is unknowing.
Investigate Personhood (What am I?)
This is the classic path of self-inquiry. Who am I? What am I? Not an analysis of personality traits, but real inquiry into the true nature of self. Is there a self? Is there a person named “I”? Nisargadatta: “You think you are a person who was born, has parents and memories, and will someday die. You are not.” When I first read that I got chills. I was never again safe from that thought. The only way out was through it.
What is the mechanism of memory? We rely heavily on memory for our sense of self, for our personhood. But what is memory? In Blade Runner,the replicant babe Harrison Ford falls for argues that she is real because she has memories. She tells about seeing a spider when she was 4-years old or something. But her memories are just implants, part of her programming. She’s a robot, fresh off the assembly line, programmed with a lifetime of memories. How is that different from your experience of memory?
Practice Inlooking (Where am I?)
Look directly at the source of looking. Where is the receiver, the processor of the experience now on display? Ask without answering. Ask without knowing or “almost” knowing. Ask without holding onto a base paradigm into which revelation must fit. When you look without knowing, what do you find at ground zero? Where exactly is ground zero? At the exact GPS coordinates of the most intimate pinpoint of your awareness, is anyone home?
Harding experiments like the one we did earlier* are a prime example of this kind of inquiry. There are many other techniques for this and you can make up your own. This type of self-inquiry seeks to answer the question “Where am I?” and uses vision and attention more than thought. The basic idea is to relocate your attention from external objects to the source of looking-to look at the looker.
I used to do this by trying to turn my physical vision around 180 degrees—to stand in front of myself and look back through my own “face.” I just couldn’t make it work using that image. Too many mental contortions.
For me what works better is to keep the same visual position—looking out—but simply reel attention back in until it rests at ground zero of my experience, at the exact GPS coordinates of the source of my view. Attention is not the same as vision, though they are closely aligned when the eyes are open. Separate them. Bring attention back towards you like a target at a pistol range until it comes to rest at the source of looking.
You can do this anytime, anywhere. Look out as usual. I see people, walls, books. My attention is naturally and habitually drawn to objects “out there.” Now let attention come towards you until it rests in the middle distance-in the empty space between the source of looking and the nearest object in front of it. Now let attention rest in as close as it gets-ground zero, zero inches—at the source of all that is arrayed before you. What do you find there?
Apprehend Time (When am I?)
Investigate time in the same way you investigate personhood. Chip away at the concept of time like you chip away at the sense of identity. Step out of the apparent flow of time and take a look at it. Can you catch time in the act? Can you experience duration? Is a skeleton or photograph in the present proof of a past? Where is past and future? Where is now? Where is the exact point that future becomes present and present becomes past? What does that pinpoint of presence feel like? Can you feel past and future?
Abandon Hope
The opening line of a sutra by the third Zen Patriarch of China reads: “The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences.” Rose called this “betweenness.” It’s a way of holding your head as you go about the business of life. Do, but don’t care. Do without expecting results. It is a kind of surrender. Do whatever you do without expecting good things to come of it.
Favor Simplicity
Mental and physical circumstances have an effect on the amount of time and energy available for the search, so it’s an advantage to maintain a clean, well-ordered life. As Rose used to say, get your house in order. Limit complexities. Tie up loose ends. Arrange your life for clear thinking.
Also, favor intellectual simplicity. Occam’s Razor: the simplest answer is usually correct. Watch how your mind loves complexity. Complexity is in the opposite direction of Truth.
Choose Silence
Silence is the medium of transmission. Silence inside and out. You can’t hear if you’re not listening. When silence is an option, choose it. Turn off the car stereo. Turn off TV. Stare into space with no agenda. Listen. Cultivate no-thought.
Befriend Death
Zen is sometimes described as “learning how to die.” People reporting a spiritual realization agree that the person they thought they were was not present for the experience. For myself, I can say there was no trace of Bart whatsoever, not a shred, not a thought—so gone he never was, and no one to care to look for him. The mind has no way of labeling this except to say “death.”
Befriend death. An unprepared and overly-fearful mind may fight realization because it seems like death, so it’s often recommended we come to grips with our own physical death as part of our spiritual preparation. Get comfortable with the messy ways bodies die. Meditate on your own death. Read How We Die. Volunteer with Hospice. Anything that might help dilute the fear of death.
*These notes are from Bart’s presentation at the April 2005 TAT conference: “Beyond Mind, Beyond Death.” Visit TAT’s video page for more information.
Bob Fergeson interview on Conscious TV
Bob is author of the book ‘The Listening Attention. He talks about his life and awakening: ‘I was taken beyond myself into the place of no concern. The years of wondering, of alternating between pleasure and misery came to an end along with the searching and longing it generated. I saw that in all that time I had never really moved; rather I simply woke up.’
Art Ticknor interview on Conscious TV
Author of the book ‘Solid Ground Of Being’ Art talks about his search for The Truth as his life, though perfect in one way, lacked purpose and meaning. After many years working with Richard Rose’s TAT groups and many individual retreats and Douglas Harding’s work a breakthrough occurred, ‘Art Ticknor was never alive, something broke the identification with the observer, there was no regret in seeing the sense of separate self go…;
Tools for inner spiritual transformation
Tool for Inner Transformation
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Clarify your goal- dissolution of the false identity/ego attributes so that what is left is Real. Facilitate the final transformation.
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Take full responsibility for your own awakening. By awakening I mean coming to the end of the spiritual search because you have found what you have always been looking for.
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Meditation- two types. Observation of thoughts/emotions and resting in Awareness/the I Am. First you must locate the I Am/ Beingness.
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Some technique to be used throught out the day as a means of remaining in the Present, e.g. observation of the sensations in the body, Seeing, mindfulness, Power of Now.
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Self-inquiry as in questioning beliefs, looking for patterns of behaviour etc. Find and Follow your “fantasies”.
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Prayer, asking you inner guide for help and guidance in facilitating the dissolution of ego or false identification.
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Solitary time or activities, e.g. Gardening, walking, fire gazing, river watching, etc. Make your life a temple of the holy spirit. (Exercise in What it takes to create this moment)
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Bart’s Strategies – Cease Knowing.
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Learn to distinguish between genuine feeling as opposed to emotional reaction. Joy, humour, beauty, gratitude,
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Practise letting go. In other words take note of your attachments to: thoughts, posessions, beliefs, attitudes, relationships, expectations, etc. Where does the feeling of attachment reveal itself in your body? How do you believe you benefit from each attachment?
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Read for motivation, inspiration but not for knowledge. Quit acquiring knowledge.
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Listen from behind, not facing the speaker, internally. Attune yourself to the energy of the speaker by being non-resistent to them. How can you render yourself ready to receive the teaching of someone?
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Accept yourself as you are, warts and all.
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Accept others as they are and do not put energy into wishing they were different. This does not mean that you accept ill treatment from anyone.
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Question everything, meaning examine every thought, reaction, emotion that you experience. Learn to generate questions that have deep resonance for you.
Five women speak about their spiritual path.
Meetings With Remarkable Women explores the spiritual paths of five women from varied backgrounds. Yoga, Buddhism, meditation; enlightenment, awakening, realization, inner peace; Christianity, Atheism; Reiki, A Course in Miracles; Australia, India, America; loss and revelation: it’s all here as each woman tells a compelling story of struggle and discovery that is worthy of viewing time and again. Available at http://poetryinmotionfilms.com.
