We cause our own suffering, unwittingly. Most people do not see the connection between their own behaviour and their unhappiness. The behaviours I speak of here include gossiping, complaining, fault-finding, scapegoating another, forming a clique that excludes others, feeling that you know how another should act, feeling superior, needing to be right all the time, being willing to take advantage of others, being mentally and emotionally secretive, and so on.
These are all thought streams that make you feel powerful in the short term but at the expense of a deeper feelings. These deeper feelings I refer to are where true happiness is found.
There is a certain cheap satisfaction to be found in being part of a clique that is formed by excluding others. It’s called scapegoating and it is common practise in society.
I am prompted to write this article having witnessed this type of behaviour in action recently.
These cliques form on the basis shared thought streams. We agree with each other about certain thoughts and form a bond around these shared thoughts which exclude those who are not in agreement with us.
Now, let me ask you have you ever met anyone who agreed with everything you thought? Have not your own thoughts changed over time?
For sure a feeling of acceptance accompanies being in the company of those who think like us but we can confuse this feeling with love or belonging. They are not the same thing.
It takes a certain degree of maturity to realise that we can enjoy anothers company without agreeing with them. Are you accepting of people who think differently from you? Can you enjoy others who hold opinions other than your own?
And if not, what is the reason? These are questions well worth your while investigating.
It is the identification with the thought streams that is the root cause of suffering, both to ourselves and to others.
The fundamental problem here is in believing the thoughts. Thoughts present us with arguments that we know best what someone else should do or have done, the feeling that “I know better how someone else should live their life”.
The thing is that we usually do not examine these thoughts, challenge their validity. We tend to act on the feelings produced by them.
So all the bitching and complaining are ways to make ourselves feel better, more in control, having superior knowledge in the short term, gaining some security from a false feeling of belonging. The problem is that even while we are indulging in these behaviours we ignore the feelings of insubstantiality that lie behind them.
We are afraid to look at that feeling of insubstantiality. We fear that what we may find under it is bad or ugly or simply quick sand.
It takes some courage or simply a feeling of being unwilling to continue feeling so insecure to start to question our own behaviours and thoughts.
This is the beginning of self-inquiry and the beginning of taking responsibility for our own happiness.
Happiness is not an automatic condition for anyone. It is something that is available to everyone but you must seek it out, earn it, find it, and it is within yourself.
Spiritual development is the journey towards finding permanent happiness and security within yourself. It is a removal of the blocks that cover up your true nature, which is happiness.
I was born into a family of nine and grew up on a farm. I am the second eldest. It was a religious household where we were often reminded of the existence of God, by not just our parents but the whole community and culture I lived in.
From an early age I was always looking for answers. My questions were about things like; what’s it all about, is there life after death, why is there so much unfairness in the world, do animals have souls? more